The Day I Quit SailorBob
In 2000, the “Big Navy” created a forum for Surface Warfare Officers. At the time, I was a Midshipman First Class at the United States Naval Academy. Being the early days of the real Internet and desiring to go into my chosen community as a Surface Warafare Officer, I went in and all in.
In this new forum, named SWONet, all of our professional information was laid out for all fellow SWOs, from Ensign to Admiral, to see.
SWONet was fine . . . for a while. Then it became an instrument to build or break budding careers. Why would a lowly Ensign or a Lieutenant or even a Commander or Captain want to risk pissing off the promotion board members on this forum.
So in 2004, some SWO named Bob made a php forum, which was named “SailorBob” and which was billed as “the REAL SWO gouge.” It was great and I was very active on the board until just a few months ago.
So here is what happened.
I was a Division Officer (Ensign to Lieutenant) and while we had some trolls who befalled the “SB Shit List,” I strived to both offer thoughtful insights into things while also questioning the bureaucratic stupidity the the juniors watch the seniors go at.
Through my post-Department Head tour, which was the unique honor of being the Executive Officer of USS Constitution, I was a popular member of the community.
Then I took a thrid department head tour, which is usually for people who need help with their Fitness Reports (FITREPs). I had completed the Command Qualification Exam and sat on my board with CAPT Dave Welch, CO of SWOS, and his N-heads. I got beat up, which is par the course for personal boards and I passed and got qualified for command.
Then I went to my third DH tour as the Navigator of a large amphibious assault ship. The CO played favorites and after I agreed to stay on for a second tour as the Command, Control, Communications, Computers, Combat, and Information Systems Officer (C5I Officer), he screwed me on my FITREP when I was already passed over once for promotion to Commander and when I was right at my last look for command.
So I got mad. I drank a lot. I vented on SB for a lot longer. I got divorced. Then found an old friend in Baltimore and she married me! A classmate from Aught One. And we have a wonderful marriage. I love her so much.
Eventually, some of the mods, often people who retired after holding command, kept their egos intact and then scolded me and at times banned me from the SB forum for daring to speak truth to power. I finally had enough and told Bob that I wanted to a) be deleted, and b) my posts be deleted. I litterally asked for the founder of the board to do a Stalin on me. Just erase me. I actually attempted to log in last night and there is no account. I just hope Bob erased me.
In the end, I became born again, retired from the Navy, found a great church, found multiple volunteer opportunities, found work as a Navy contractor, and life is good. I also have an epic beard!
So here is what I regret. I regret not seeking mental health services sooner. I didn’t get my formal diagnosis with major depressive disorder with anxiety until my last tour at the Pentagon. I regret the hatred I harbored. I regret letting the students I was teaching see some of this. I regret all the drinking. And lastly, I regret ever joining SailorBob.
